oh. fuck. i totally fucked. up. maybe it's not as bad as i think it is. maybe he won't even notice. man i hope he doesn't notice. fuck. i hope this changes nothing. this is really quite frustrating. this is not the way i planned it. i wanted him to find out thinking that i didn't know anything and now it will be awkward because then i'll wonder if he did see it and if he did, he may be waiting until i say something. or maybe i'm making a big deal of nothing. i don't even know why i'm focusing on this so much. i feel like i'm regressing. sinking into bitterness once again.