all of these idiots keep wanting to "chat" with me. and then they'll ask what i wanna talk about after i say yes. like you're the one who fucking imed me. i'm just obliging you because i have nothing better to do. i'm not gonna fucking hold up the conversation when you're the one who wants to chat with me. and then if i don't reply within 5 seconds they freak out. did i offend you? why did you get quiet? and i've clearly stated in the beginning of the conversation that i'm watching a movie. i'm a casual kind of chatter. i can't sit in front of the computer just staring at the chat window. i have to be doing something while chatting and usually it's a movie. fucking drives me nuts. it also drives me nuts when a guy hasn't completely filled out his profile or he has and it's very sparse and then they expect me to be interested and wanna get to know them. i understand some people have a hard time talking about themselves so i'll chat with anyone who asks and give them a chance but so far all of them have turned out be really boring.
and the qualities they look for are also so fucking boring i wanna cry. affectionate, sweet, lovable, caring. vomit vomit vomit. everyone is looking for that. and everyone has those qualities in their own way. people basically need to put, someone who won't hit me. sweet and caring doesn't make a relationship. they can be sweet and caring but completely uninteresting. it really gets me when someone puts nice as a quality they're looking for. okay, who's looking for someone who's mean? like really. this one guy had a really boring profile and he wanted to be a screenwriter/director. seriously? seriously. seriously? you wanna make films? nothing in your profile communicated anything unique to me. you stated where you went to school and that you like films. yeah. when i asked him about his boring profile, he said, yeah, i'm a low key guy. uh what the fuck? seriously. i doubt your skills when you have zero creativity in your profile.
i hate this. i hate you hormones.
i've gone back to hating justin. instead of being extremely turned on by his new red, mohawk hair, and sweet sweet cologne, i have come to hate them. i really hate him. and it's hard to hate him when he expects me to engage in conversation. i hate faking it because really faking is the real thing. there's no way to fake a conversation. it's not like when i fake with customers in pretending to be interested by their opinion. he's actually kind of an asshole. i didn't see it before cause i had such a huge crush on him but now i see his assholery ways disguised as sarcasm. Sarcasm that i would ignore.
i'm sick of being nice. i usually don't think this ill of people but my frustrations are mounting, which causes me to hate everyone.
oh also, lately, i've noticed that i haven't been able to concentrate lately. it's really weird. i don't know what's wrong. maybe part of it is sex has taken over my brain that all i see is red. usually when managers give me a series of tasks, i'm able to get it the first time easily. but now i have to have them repeat and explain what they need me to do like 3 or 4 times. it's sick. it's like a fog on my brain. and then today, i gave someone the wrong change like a moron. i can pick up things easily but lately i've been slow. it's really weird. it's like my brain is trying so hard to make sense of things and then it just farts in the middle.
it's almost 4 am. what the fuck happened?