Rachel

when things were good.

So I just finished Swept Away. Yes, that Madonna movie. Because i've never seen it and always wanted to. even though i knew it would be bad. it's weird that guy ritchie can go from snatch and lock, stock to swept away. it's like, wtf? the movie was shot beautifully but the writing and the story is yuck. in fact, it's a really beautiful movie to watch if you just mute the sound. well except during montages because it's just music.

anyway, i was watching the special features and it's madonna and guy ritchie interviewing each other about the movie. and there's all this footage of their kids on set. really adorable stuff. madonna playing with her kids and feeding the baby. guy taking rocco and lourdes on a bike ride. and rocco smooching guy, which was sooooo cute! and then i realized, wait, they're getting a divorce and it made me sad. and it was kind of funny that i happen to watch this as the divorce is getting settled. and during the interview guy and madonna are being really cute together and asking silly questions and just goofing around. and one of madonna's questions to guy was, when did you realize that you were gonna love me for the rest of your life? and i thought, awww...they don't end up together forever. and they won't realize this until years into the future.

things at work suck right now.
  • Current Mood
    blah blah
Suitcase

wife beater with the denim.

so it's almost 7 am. and i know you're like, wow you stayed up late. because that's what i do. but actually i'm up early. waiting around for a subbing job to open up. forcing myself to actually work extra hours. i've been lazy with it. i keep missing those damn calls.

anyway, i had an interesting dream that i cleaned my room. like i actually cleaned it. i mean other weird stuff happened during the dream. it wasn't just me dreaming. that would be a boring dream. but it was probably the most productive dream i ever had. and now i'm kinda inspired to clean my room. the only thing is, in the dream, my room was bigger and i had like a wall of drawers of a variety of sizes so i was able to get all my odds and ends put away. it looked so pretty. and so clean. maybe i can utilize my closet space. my nose is starting to run at the thought of all that dust.

ughhh. i have to close 3 nights in a row this week. i'm missing so much tv. it's sad. tv makes me happy. i hate working nights. and with justin quitting, maybe i'll be able to work more days. or the worse may happen... closing for 5 nights in a row like that horrible horrible week at the cusp of july/august. i would really like to not do that again.
  • Current Mood
    sleepy sleepy
Suitcase

your mama's so hood.

duude. stein mart is hardcore. everyone else is using just wood to board up their windows. but stein mart is using friggin' metal. like it looks cool. like, don't fuck with us hurricane.
  • Current Mood
    lonely lonely
Rachel

sticky sticky heat.

so a bunch of the plans changed.

fortunately, i did not have to get up at 5 to make my 7am appointment because someone cancelled and i got 10 am instead which is mucho better. and... surprisingly enough, it took less than 30 mins to get home and i was able to make the $5 showing of Get Smart. i couldn't believe i actually made it with houston traffic and it being far away. but i'm starting to see that places in the montrose/rice village area is really not that far. it just feels far because of the freeway.

i cancelled my breakfast date. kara has reminded me why it would not be good if we ended up dating. now i don't know how i'll avoid him. i hate to be a bitch, but i cannot go out with one more guy without a car. my last two boyfriends did not have cars and i had to drive them everywhere all the time. i would like to be picked up for once.

my friend ended up not coming into town, but my other friend did make it. so i'm free until the evening.

i'm not really excited about this weekend anymore but i'm super excited about my fabulous hair cut. I wish i had cut it a little shorter but still. it's awesome. i feel good. when i walked in the door, my mom goes, "Sex-ay!"

haha.

sometimes mom is cool.
  • Current Mood
    pleased pleased
Rachel

wtf. what is this?

so i'm in a weirdly good mood right now. it's really weird. because all this bad shit is happening but then all this good stuff is happening simultaneously so the bad shit is taking a backseat right now. so it's still there and happening but there's so much other good stuff happening?

i've been experiencing these very wild extremes. just low and high back and forth, unexpectantly. i wake up and have no idea how i'm going to be for the day. i'm going through a weird phase in my life where everything is very uncertain and unexpected. maybe it's just the month.

i have a hopefully good and jam packed weekend, mostly saturday ahead of me. i'm excited.

why is it that everyone has to come into town at the very same time?

so one crappy thing (of many) to happen is my good friend amanda moving to minneapolis very suddenly. like friday she was here and then, oh guess what work is transferring me on monday. like that's insane. so i have one less person to hang out with. but then both mitzi and another good friend are both in town at the very same time. and besides that, all this other stuff is happening, like random events and such. all on the same night. frick!

so tomorrow i have a super early hair appointment. i tracked down my hair stylist, thank god, who moved to a different salon. unlike commitments and dating, everyone, no exception, wants to have like a serious, long term commitment with their hair dresser. because once you find someone you know and trust and they know you and exactly what you like and looks good, you don't ever want to lose them. so hair tomorrow. then possibly a breakfast date that i don't really want to go on anymore now that other stuff in the plot has developed. and then dinner. and then a night out with mitzi, and hopefully other people.

and then i have this guy that i'm sort of seeing but not really anymore after finding out some interesting stuff that has happened. so he's going to be in town for business for the next four weeks. um yeah.

and then there's 4th of july.

then everyone will go back to their respective homes and things will get boring again and then all the bad shit will resurface.
  • Current Mood
    good good
Rachel

i don't even know you and you make me feel like i have to break up with you.

so i've given up on dating. i did consider becoming a lesbian because they just seem to have more fun and are more accepting and open minded. but then i really thought about it. and it'd just be the same shit except with vaginas.

you know... i've been thinking about it and guys really do have it easier when it comes to dating.

each guy is so different in what they are looking for. they seem so much more pickier. it's like i have to guess and come up with some crazy combination of attributes. they all seem to want girls who are fun, creative, funny, charming, quirky, interesting, ambitious, sexy, cute, tomboyish/sporty, smart, intelligent, sweet, cultured, well read, spontaneous, witty. it's frustrating.

friends tell me i should just be myself. yeah i know i should be myself. but i'm a freaking chameleon. a blank canvas. tell me who you want me to be and i'll be it, while still being myself. i'll just be a more enhanced version of myself. so i'll be crazy me, plus whatever funky trait you need for you to like me. i mean some of those traits i'll actually have to work at, like being well read and smart, etc.

then again, it's really a reflection of the other person. everyone i meet seems to bring out a different side of me. so if you bring out the crappy version of me, maybe it's because you suck and you're boring yourself so therefore i'm reacting to your boringness. or.. maybe i really am boring and you're reacting to my boringness so you're boring yourself. yeah okay, that theory sucks. forget that.

you know what else i hate? when a guy finds out a common interest he has with a girl and he gets excited and they bond over said interest. and i too also have that interest but since she brought it up first, it's like i don't count.

random girl: i have tickets to that Nadal match tomorrow.
guy: no way! that's so cool. i love tennis!
random girl: you're kidding! i love tennis too!
me: omg! me too!
guy: that's awesome. (guy ignores me, turns to random girl) anyway, i can't believe you also love tennis. who's your favorite player?

/emocut

/end scene

seriously, guys have it easy. just make her laugh, tell her she's pretty, and give her chocolate.

yeah so i'm done. finito. it takes way too much time and effort.

also, another thing that is frustrating me. it takes me like 2 months to lose like 2 inches. and only 2 weeks to put it back on. grrr. wtf. i had an insane 2 weeks where i had a brutal work schedule so i didn't watch my weight and this is the punishment i get. it's like hey, congratulations on getting through 2 weeks of hell. and this is my reward? cut me some fucking slack world.
  • Current Mood
    cranky cranky
All The Real

My nose bleeds when i get an erection.

ok so as promised, an update of what happened in the last few months. Including what happened to that guy who asked me out at work. A very brief summary. so it was friday and i thought, maybe he'll call on the weekend because he's busy during the week. but by the end of the night he hadn't called and i was at a bar. so i drank. and thought, fuck him. and then the very next day he came up to work. yeeah. so we went out. found out some interesting things. like he got two women pregnant at the same time. so his two sons are 2 months apart. and that he was moving to new mexico next week to get custody of his other son.

yeah.

so that whole week that he didn't call, we could have been hanging out before he incidentally happen to be moving. i met his dad on the 2nd date. then i met his mom on the 3rd date. we watched casablanca. we had sex. it was awesome. but not sexy awesome, i want you so bad sex. it was like interesting, i've never done that position sex. so it was good discovery sex and totally opened my eyes and how inexperienced i am.

then he left. with an invite to come to new mexico for a visit.

so ends the luke chapter.

and begins the ian chapter.

so i met ian on okc. he is from austin. he actually came to houston to meet me, which i was surprised that someone would come all that way to see me. and the first date was mind blowingly awesome. we got long so well. i instantly felt comfortable with him. there was a great ease. no awkwardness. we could sit in silence and be perfectly happy just being in each other's presence and not have to fill silence with awkward words. we cuddled on the couch. he watched dancing with the stars with me. we had a lot in common. including the fact that we both like to dip things in any kind of sauce or broth or whatever. he was sooo funny. he really could make me laugh. we made out in his car during the rain and romantic music via jimmy eat world was playing. it was so sexy and romantic. everything fell into place. both my parents were out of town, i wasn't pmsing, i was off the whole week, he was off the whole week. like nothing happened to sabotage the date. he makes me so hot. yes, we had sex. how slutty am i. but it was totally not planned. we both didn't think it would get that far so it totally exceeded our expectations. we both get reminding each other no expectations. and he's sooo cute. blue blue eyes. short. good kisser. not a good romantic kisser, which is weird. he's a great makeout kisser and a good random, on the lips kisser. but when he tries to do a slow, romantic kiss, he loses something.

a few weeks later, i go up to austin to visit him. for some really weird reason, the second date wasn't nearly as fun as the first. he wasn't as funny and it was kind of blah. i still had a good time though. it just didn't feel the same. he brought me to some romantic spots and took me joyriding. i love that he drives stick. omg we played halo. it was awesome. i mean i really sucked and i killed him only 2, 3 times, but i still love playing. coffee kisses. lots of good awesome sex. i love that he's interested in all cultures and likes to explore them. he has dated so many different girls. persian, ethiopian, and not 1, but 2 lesbians. 2 lesbians! i joked that he had magical powers to get 2 lesbians curious enough to go straight temporarily. his friends say the same thing.

so the problems with ian... well, the distance. but it's only a 2 hr drive so it's not so bad. it makes casual dating easy, but not a relationship. he brings out all my insecurities for some reason. it really fucks me up. like i get intimidated sometimes by all the different women he's dated and some of them are so gorgeous. some are just average looking. and also his sexual experience. i like that he's more experienced than me and i dislike it at the same time. he's also one of those guys who is always in a relationship. he falls hard and fast. so he's trying this new thing where he's trying to remain single and date around, which i totally get and understand. i was all with the casual dating. but now, being with him, makes me want to be in a relationship. and i have no idea how he feels about me. sometimes he treats me like a friend and then sometimes he's all flirty and crap. i figured that maybe he's less inclined to keep seeing me because of the distance but then last night he was all, i wanna see you again soon. so i was like yay! because i was starting to get scared that we were getting into a friend zone.

also he had a date last night and it was horrible. ha! score one for me!

and now there's jonathan.

i know it sounds like i'm on a roll, but this is very uncharacteristic of me. i know you're blocking it out right now but i know some of you remember those 4 excruciating years of me complaining about being single and being depressed all the time. and really i got lucky with ian, because i actually met him online like 2 years ago and then he got off the site and deleted his profile. then he got back on and happened to remember me.

anyway, okay so jonathan. we traded very, very long emails for a little bit. usually with other people, the emails get shorter and shorter and you run out of things to say. so i love that we're able to write these prolific emails to each other. so we finally met for dim sum this past sunday. i debated meeting him because i wasn't sure we would get along because our backgrounds are so different. and plus, he's 39, which kind of intimidated me. but i went with it. and again, another great date. not as good as the ian date or the eric date, but it was still a pretty good date. again, i felt very comfortable with him. there were a couple of times where i got nervous and awkward and rambled or drank tea to fill the space. he's a very young 39. and so much cuter in person! the pictures do not do him justice. he looks much older in his pictures. and surprisingly hilarious! which doesn't come across in his emails but i think it's because the topics we talk about somehow don't allow him to express humor. and it's his personality and tone of voice and facial expressions that make him funny. and he's fucking rich! eric likes jonathan better and thinks he's better suited to me but i think that's only because jonathan is a scientist. so if we started dating, eric would want to meet him only to talk about science stuff with him.

so problems with jonathan... well first thing, i don't like his name much. i mean it's a minor thing and doesn't really matter but just thought i'd list all the little problems. i had trouble reading him. i couldn't tell if he liked me or was interested in me. were we meeting as friends or a date? is he attracted to me? i haven't really talked to him since then. i emailed him right after to thank him for lunch, but that's about it. i get kind of a friend vibe from him. well overall. and the way he said we should hang out again. and in our previous emails, we talk about relationships and people we're seeing in a friend way. as if i'm talking to one of my girl friends. and opposite from ian, jonathan is looking for a serious relationship and to settle down and all that. which i have no problem with. i'm a lot younger than him but i'm open to the idea of possibly settling down within the next couple of years. i don't know. it's too early to tell. we've had one date. i don't know if he'll actually call or if he doesn't, should i email him? i just hate calling people.

so that's my love life.

as for work. oy. i have to work 6 days next week. it is the YUCK! i took a second job subbing. but there's only one month of school left so i'll only have to deal with it for a month. plus, i need the distraction. after these boys, i think i'm going to just forget about boys and become a lesbian. they seem to have more fun.
  • Current Music
    Outta My Head - Ashlee Simpson